Letting Go
by lawslave
Summary: A missing scene for "Back in the Day" to explain the drama between our favorite patrol officers.


_Because "Back in the Day" killed my Jamko this weekend, has me convinced the writers will never put those two together and overall, just confused the heck out of me, this missing scene came about..._

Jamie hurried down the steps of the precinct, looking forward to the cold beer he knew was stocked in his fridge at home. The last few days at work had left his head spinning, feeling uncertain of his partnership with Eddie and the direction of his career.

He and Eddie had been spending more time together off duty without any problems. But on duty, they seemed to keep butting heads, at odds over the decisions they made as a team, critical of the choices each made for themselves and constantly questioning whether they trusted each other.

And his career? Jamie wasn't sure what to do with that. He'd always been a person who knew what he wanted and always had a plan, knowing well in advance what his next step would be. But right now, he was as confused about his career path as he was about his partnership with Eddie and Jamie was starting to think one was linked to the other.

"Hey!" Eddie called out as she ran down the steps behind her partner. He had managed to sneak out of the precinct despite her efforts to beat him out of the locker room. "You want to grab a drink?" she asked when she caught up to him.

Jamie gave his partner a quick glance before crossing the street to where his car was parked. "Nah, I'm kinda tired."

Eddie followed along. She'd hated the tension between them the last few days. First because she'd lobbied for an assignment without checking with him and then because she'd decided for the both of them that they needed to stick with their given assignment instead of responding to a bogus call a hundred other cops had easily taken. They needed to talk and clear the air, otherwise tomorrow would be as bad as today's tour and she couldn't handle that. "Come on, Jamie."

"What?" Jamie sighed and turned to face Eddie as he unlocked his car, annoyed that he had not been able to make his escape to avoid this. Normally he was the one pushing people to talk, but he was afraid of saying something he would regret later.

Eddie looked up and down the dark sidewalk, glad that the light foot traffic would provide them a little privacy. "Despite what we said to each other this morning, it doesn't feel like we're good. It didn't feel that way the whole time we sat in the car not talking to each other."

Jamie's lips were pressed tightly as he looked down at the car keys in his hand, avoiding her eyes.

"You still mad about last night?" Eddie asked when he failed to offer a response.

Jamie's head snapped up at the question, surprising Eddie when she saw a hint of anger reflected back at her. "You want to know the truth?"

"Of course," Eddie said with a frown, thinking for a moment that she should have let things be.

"Yeah. I'm still mad about last night," he admitted, placing his fists onto his hips while fully expecting Eddie to argue back.

"I said I was sorry," she reminded him.

Jamie took a deep breath and looked toward the heavens for the strength to maintain his composure. He didn't need a repeat of last night to make things worse, but he planned to lay things out for her. "I know you did. And I believe that you are, but I don't think you get why that got me so angry. And I guess that's the part that really bugs me the most, Eddie. We're partners, have been for three years now and I just didn't think I'd have to explain why."

Eddie's mouth clamped shut, out of fear of saying something wrong. She'd been so wrapped up with the assignment from Detective Rivera and her new quest to make detective that she was missing the bigger picture.

"Vinny and I were 10-13s. So was Joe. All thirty-five thousand members of the NYPD could have shown up when those calls went out and it probably still wouldn't have made a difference for them...nothing could have. But the thought that anyone of them would have thought 'let someone else handle the call'...and for what? To chase a gold shield? That's not right and I'm sorry if I'm taking it too personally, but that trumps everything because I've been on the the other side of that call," he explained, hating that he had to spell it out for her, but feeling better now that he had gotten that off his chest.

Eddie closed her eyes and cursed herself under her breath. She hated herself for saying those words last night, remembering the look he'd given her when they came out of her mouth. "Jamie.." she trailed off not knowing how to make any of this better.

Jamie sat heavily against the side of his car, feeling deflated. "You wanted to know? That's why."

Eddie placed her bag on the hood and leaned back alongside him. "I'm so sorry, Jamie. It didn't occur to me and it should have. I was wrong to even think it." She forgot that he knew better than most of the dire circumstances an officer has to be in to make that kind of call and any brother or sister in blue who blew it off for the reason she did needed to reconsider why they put on the uniform. "I guess I got consumed with trying to make an impression on Detective Rivera. It's not an excuse...I don't know, I just really want this."

The anger was gone now. Jamie knew she never meant to hurt him nor would she ever prefer to see a fellow officer hurt for a chance to climb the ladder. "I know you do. It'll happen, you deserve it."

"So do you," Eddie said.

Jamie smiled sadly. "Nah, that's not happening for me. Not while my dad's at 1PP." It took a long time for him to accept that.

And there it was, Eddie realized. "Is that what's also bothering you?"

Jamie half shrugged while looking up the street at the passing traffic.

"The truth, Reagan," Eddie demanded.

"I guess I was just surprised to see you chasing after it," he admitted. It scared him to think that she was thinking of moving on to bigger and better things without him.

Eddie frowned in confusion. "You're the one that got me thinking about it. You're the only reason I really started looking into it."

"Me?" Jamie asked, raising a brow at her.

"Yeah, you. You with your talk about sitting for the sergeant's exam and I still don't understand why you're not doing that anymore, by the way. Jamie, if you take that exam, you're a shoe-in for a high score that'll put you at the top of the waiting list."

"Maybe," he said.

Eddie rolled her eyes at her Harvard-educated, New York Bar card-carrying partner. "Yeah, maybe, he says...you get to the top of the list, you get promoted and we probably won't be riding together anymore. And I guess thinking about that, I didn't want to get left behind. I like patrol, but I also want to climb the ranks and I think I'd make a good detective."

Jamie smiled and looked Eddie in the eyes. "You would. You'd be a great detective." He paused to take a deep breath, preparing to share a little secret with her. "If we're totally being honest, I kind of got a little jealous."

"Jealous?" Eddie laughed. "Of what? Of me?" she asked with a finger pointed back at herself. That had to be some kind of joke, he was the one with the great family, the high IQ and the ability to always put others before himself.

"It seems like Detective Rivera is really on your side. That's good and it'll help get you your shield one day. You need to listen to him," he advised.

"I plan to."

"No one's ever taken an interest like that in me out of fear that it will look like they're trying to kiss up to my dad. I'm usually getting accused of kicking over rocks to find my promotion. It's kind of become the department joke," Jamie explained. Aside from Renzulli, he'd never had anyone without the Reagan name offer any guidance.

"That's not fair," Eddie said. If Jamie had any other last name, he'd be a Detective First Grade by now, at the very least.

"It is what it is, Eddie. It's what had me looking at what we do everyday in a whole new light. Years ago, if I woke up one morning with a promotion to detective, I wouldn't have thought twice about taking it."

"And now?" she inquired.

"I love being on the street everyday. Like I said, I like being able to stop the bad things from happening. I like dealing with the people out there."

"You are a people person, Reagan," Eddie said as she nudged his shoulder with hers. "Most of them just annoy me."

Jamie smirked but continued on. "I just don't think I would be happier as a detective. Plus there's already a Detective Reagan, I'm not sure the department could handle two of us," he joked.

"So why not take the exam?" she asked, wondering what was keeping him from it. "And don't feed me the crap about not wanting to sit for another test. A month ago, you were studying the patrol guide every chance you got."

Jamie stared straight ahead, opening his mouth several times to answer, but he couldn't get the words out.

"Come on. What gives?" Eddie prodded. "You'd still be out on the street if you were a sergeant."

"It's stupid," he confessed with a shake of his head.

"What is?"

Jamie sighed uncomfortably. "I started thinking we wouldn't be partnered up anymore if I got promoted...this was before I knew you were thinking of making detective. And I know it's stupid to think we'd be partners forever, but it just kinda of hit me that our days of riding together would be numbered. So I thought..."

"You thought you'd pass on a promotion to keep riding together?" Eddie asked, shocked by his revelation.

"Maybe," Jamie said, a little embarrassed by his confession. They were partners, they weren't attached at the hip and he didn't have a right to keep her locked up in patrol with him.

Eddie bit her bottom lip to suppress the smile that wanted to spread across her face. She was certain he would be the best partner she would ever have and hated the idea that one day they wouldn't be riding together. "I told you before that I'd miss riding with you. I meant it."

Jamie smiled at Eddie. "I know. I'd miss you too, partner."

"You'd still be my best friend," Eddie added. She knew they'd always have that.

"I know. I'd still have your back too...always," Jamie proclaimed.

They stood there for a few silent minutes, as RMPs drove past them and people hurried in and out of the precinct behind them. Neither knew what the future had in store for them, but they both knew they'd be there for each other no matter what life threw their way.

* * *

 _That's the only conclusion I could reach. I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts._

 _Now, I'm going back to fanfic where our happy couple is tortured temporarily but eventually lives happily ever after! :)_


End file.
